Hangin’ with Abby

I have an 11 years old daughter and a 16 and 13 years old sons. All the books on my shelf are all parenting books plus the Bible (the best parenting book ever!). Yes, that is all I read from the day my first one was born. Am I an expert then? No Ma’am. I do know I am doing my best and learning as I go. I do believe it’s worth sharing these tips. I hope you get something out of it and let me know if you want to hear related topics and more from my parenting class 101.

#1. Whatever rule you put in place for your kids make sure you can modify it along the way (as they grow) but don’t ever throw it out. Once it’s gone, it is very difficult to bring it back. For example, bedtime was 7 o’clock when my kids were young. Then it changed to 8 then to 9 as they got older. I never removed the fact that there is a bedtime and it has to be respected. **Kids need a good night sleep to stay healthy physically and mentally.

#2. Everyone has a different way of disciplining their children. Whatever consequence you want to put in place as a punishment, be consistent with it. For example, your 13 year old son ended up watching YouTube all night instead of doing homework. Let’s say your rule is that you take his phone away. Please do take the phone away. Not once in a while but every time he does that, take it away. You will teach him to focus on homework during homework time and nothing else. They will form a good habit. **This isn’t being too strict, it’s being a great parent.

#3. Food is key. Don’t get your kids in the habit of eating fast food and junk food all the time. Once they get used to eating what they think is good food, example McDonald’s, they’ll ask for it all the time and you will be going back and forth arguing about it. There is more chance of them saying they don’t want to eat the food you cook and prefer food from outside eventually. Yes, you can say no but why get into it. There is a lot of no’s you will be saying so why create more. As hard as it is to cook all the time, do your best to feed your kids home cooked meal most days of the week. You can make the fast food a weekend treat and focus on eating healthy during the week.

#4. Have you heard of the saying ‘A family that eats together stays together.’? All I can tell you is that there is some truth in the idea of this eating together thing. Make the effort to have at least dinner (it doesn’t have to be every meal) together 4-5 days a week. It’s just an opportunity for you as a family to share about your days, talk, laugh and become closer. It’s hard to make this happen when kids have sports and other activities after school but do your best. When they become teenagers, that will probably be the only time you’ll actually sit together, look at each other’s eyes and connect so keep that alive.

#5. Your reaction matters. If your kids are sharing with you something that happened at school or something they did that you think is really bad, don’t have that crazy mama reaction. For some of us, it takes a whole lot of effort to stay calm at that moment. We think we can change the situation or our kids by overreacting (most of the time in a negative way). Nope! Just because we overreacted doesn’t change anything! Calm down, think about what needs to be said and yes make sure your child knows you are not happy etc… And, if there is a consequence that needs to follow as a result of something your child did, it will need to be done. Do not overreact so your kids will be comfortable enough to come to you or tell you anything. You don’t want them saying “Don’t tell this to mom, she’s going to go crazy.” James 1:19 sys Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak , slow to anger.

#6. Don’t assume anything. Ask! If your child came home with a C in math because of a bad grade in his last test, ask what happened. Don’t assume she failed to study. You may find out that the teacher made a mistake and gave her another student’s grade. Always ask and find out the complete story.

Some of my favorite parenting resources are below.

https://www.christianbook.com

1. Love & Respect in the Family by Dr. Emerson Eggeriches
2. 52 Things Kids Need from a Mom by Angela Thomas
3. Conversation you must have with you Son by Vicki Courtney
4. Conversation you must have with you Daughter by Vicki Courtney
5. 21 Ways to Connect with your Kids by Kathi Lipp
6. The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Martian
7. Parenting Beyond The Rules by Connie Albers
8. Strong Mothers, Strong Sons by Meg Meeker